Diary of a Detroit Derby Announcer - Regionals Day 2

Posted on August 20, 2007

August 18 Heartland Havoc travel report from Rusty Wheeler

Saturday, August 18, dawned clear and bright over Columbus, Ohio, scene of day 2 of the Heartland Havoc roller derby tournament. Had a cheap breakfast in the food court, sitting at a table with a couple of folks (a skater and ref) from a Kentucky roller derby league.

I proceeded to Battelle Hall to watch the first match of the day between the #7 seeded Windy City Rollers (obviously from Chicago with a name like that) and the #1 seeded “Dairyland Dolls” from the Mad Rollin’ Dolls in Madison, Wisconsin. Windy City came out on fire, and throttled the Dairyland jammers, and then took charge of all aspects of the game. Windy City won in an upset, 94-63.

That brought up the second game of the day, the #9 seeded Detroit Derby Girls vs. the #2 seeded Minnesota RollerGirls. Since Minnesota had brought their announcer, Scotty Cruz, and because Ohio’s announcer, Tank, wanted only three total announcers for a bout, Big Poppa Razzi and I decided to alternate periods between us. Poppa took the 1st and 3rd periods, and I took the second.

I was really worried about playing Minnesota. Going by past records, Minny had played Carolina pretty even, and back in march, Carolina stomped Detroit’s butts flat. But hey, anything can happen in a derby game, right? So, then, let’s rrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooollllllllllll!!!!!

Racer McChaseHer took the first jam of the game vs. Minnesota’s Roxanne Rolls, and Racer outscored Roxanne 4-3. Then DDG’s Honey Suckit upped the score to 8-3. On the 3rd jam of the 1st period, Minny’s Desi Cration skated a double Grand Slam and outscored DDG’s Elle McFearsome 10-4 to put Minny up 13-8. Uh oh, I thought, here we go (oh, me of little faith!). Next Racer outscored Suzi Smashbox 7-4 to cut the Minny lead to 17-15, then DDG’s Killbox outscored Minny’s Roxanne Rolls 6-4 to tie the score at 21-21. Well, that certainly looked better on the scoreboard, I thought. It also helped that Minny’s jammer went to the penalty box during the jam. Minny’s jammer started the next jam, and DDG’s Vega Vendetta took advantage, racking up nine points to none for Minny, giving Detroit the lead, 30-21. The next jam between DDG’s Honey Suckit and Minny’s Jawbreaker produced no score. By the end of the period, Minnesota got a little closer, but Detroit still led 38-33. Yay!

DDG’s Racer McChaseHer opened the 2nd period with a Grand Slam, scoring eight points to zero while giving Detroit a 46-33 lead. Then Minny grabbed lead jammer status three straight jams, but only cut Detroit’s lead to 54-43. Detroit then took charge, getting lead jammer four straight jams and outscoring Minnesota 14-6 to then lead 68-49. But then Detroit was shut out five straight jams to close the period, with Minnesota getting lead jammer each of those five jams, and scoring 17 points. Ouch. At the end of the 2nd period, Detroit led by an all too slim margin of 68-66. Momentum was clearly on the side of the Minnesota RollerGirls.

The third period opened, and the entire Detroit team shifted their play into a higher gear. Detroit’s jammers got the lead eight straight times. Detroit also shut out Minnesota for the first five jams. Detroit shut them out 6 out of the first 8 of those jams, and only allowed five points while Detroit’s jammers scored 20 points. At that point Detroit led 88-71, and time was running low. But I also have to clearly state that the reason Detroit played so well with getting lead jammer, was not just because of the jammers’ abilities, but also because of the superb job Detroit’s blockers did in bottling up Minnesota’s jammers while simultaneously clearing paths for DDG’s jammers to get through. It was magnificent skating!

There were only three jams to go, and Detroit outscored Minnesota 11-6 in those jams, with Racer McChaseHer sealing the deal with eight points on the last jam, giving Detroit a well-earned 99-77 victory. It was also the second major upset of the day. It also meant the Detroit qualified to attend the national roller derby championship tournament in Austin, Texas at the end of September! Mamma Morphine (Morphine’s mom) of the Texas Rollergirls was in attendance at the Heartland Havoc bout selling tickets to the national tournament, and even better was the fact she was wearing a black DDG hoody all during the Detroit-Minnesota bout! (Thank you, Mamma Morphine!)

For those who are statistically minded, top scorers were: For Detroit: Racer McChaseHer 46 points, Killbox 19, Vega Vendetta 13, Honey Suckit 12, Rock Candy 9. For Minnesota: Desi Cration 24 points, Suzie Smashbox 19, Jawbreaker 15, Roxanne Rolls 7, Harmony Killerbruise 4, Rebel Stella 4, Voodoo Prodigy 4.

Other games after Detroit’s game on Saturday night saw New York’s Gotham Girls destroy the Philly (Philadelphia) Rollergirls 139-81. Philadelphia had a bye the previous day, being out of the top four seeds (seeded #4), but Gotham, the #5 seed, easily handled them. About two-thirds of the way through the first period, the score was 13-1 in favor of Gotham. Gotham led 49-35 after one period,and 94-60 after two periods. Gotham’s jammers, especially #55, Suzy Hotrod, will be a handful for Detroit’s blockers on Sunday. Also, Bonnie Thunders, Cheap Skate, and even Beatrix Slaughter will be tough to totally stop. Gotham also has some real tough blockers, in particular the wickedly good Beonslay. After all of DDG’s skaters watched Gotham dismantle Philly, I noticed DDG’s Whiskey Soured hob-nobbing with Beonslay. I told them both I expected to see them joined at the hip in Sunday’s game. They were sharing the derby love, chumming like a couple of old pals. I’ll bet it will be a different kind of derby love (more like derby smackdown!) in Sunday’s game!

There was one final game on Saturday night. It featured the #6 Providence Roller Derby, winners on Friday night over Ohio, playing the rested (due to a bye) #3 seeded Carolina Rollergirls. I was pleased to see that Carolina put a whippin’ on Providence who was led by that sassy Dolly Rocket, Carolina winning by 98-55. I do have to say that Dolly Rocket is a great skater, easily the best skater on Providence. Apparently she is also moving to a different city so that will be Providence’s loss.

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