2010 Season Opener D-Funk Allstars 175 vs. Pistolwhippers 69

Posted on December 4, 2009

by Rusty Wheeler
Detroit, MI
Nov 28, 2009

The 7th time was the charm for the D-Funk Allstars as they finally defeated their nemesisters, the Pistolwhippers, 175 to 69. The ‘Whippers had won the first six games by an average margin of victory of 13 points in each game; the D-Funkers got their payback in this game, winning by 106 points. In three of the previous meetings between these two squads, the Pistolwhippers had broken the hearts of the “Green Machine” by winning on the very last jam of the game (one of those games in overtime). This time, though, the D-Funk didn’t leave a chance of a late ‘Whippers victory, as last year’s 2nd place team jumped out to a 23-0 lead after 5 jams, and led 92-25 at halftime.

Coming into this game, the Pistolwhippers were 6-0 versus the D-Funk, but only 4-4 overall against the other two Detroit Derby Girls teams. The D-Funk were 4-3 versus the other two teams in the league, but 0-6 against the Pistolwhippers. The Pistolwhippers are the reigning DDG Champions (2009, undefeated) and have garnered three trips to the big show and two victories (in 2007 also) in the league’s four year history.

Rosters

D-Funk All Stars: 313 Black Eyed Skeez; 24/7 boo d. livers; 9 Cat’s Meow; 46 Fatal Femme (captain); Section 8 Ghetto Barbie; 45 rpm Holly Hitsville; 23 Ima Wrecker; 925 Loca Lola; 10/6 The Mad Hatcher; 100% Polly Fester; 3cc Roxanna Hardplace (ass cap); CH4 Seoul Slayer; 5″ Blade Sista Slit’chya; 813 Tinja; Crazy88 Zooma Thurman.

PistolWhippers: 27 A.O. Lesgo; 44 Bytch Ryder (captain); MC5 Cassie Corridor; 01 Cold Fusion; N2O Cool Whip; 76 Del Bomber; I-75 Diesel Doll; 11 Elle Iminator; 1974 Honey Suckit (ass cap); 35th Lady Jackie O. Noyoudidn’t; 3.9 Kara Thrash; .357 Karma Shoot’Ya; 29 Mega Bloxx; 42 Midnight Vulture; 989 Sarah Hipel.

1st Half

The D-Funk came on strong right out of the gate. They opened with their top jammer, Sista Slit’chya (Jammer of the Game), who tallied a 4-0 jam. That was followed up by Polly Fester’s 10-0 double grand slam in jam 2. Sista topped her maroon-clad opponents 3-0 and 2-0 in jams 3 and 5, sandwiched around boo d. livers 4-0 run in jam 4. It was 23-0 for the D-Funk. Where D-Funk jammed their star jammer Sista Slit’chya three times in those first five jams, the ‘Whippers elected to jam skaters historically known for their blocking in the first four jams, waiting until jam 5 to place the star on Sarah Hipel (2008 Jammer of the Year), one of their best.

After a scoreless jam 6, Hipel finally got the Whippers on the board with a 6-0 grand slam run in jam 7. That momentarily cut the D-Funk lead to 23-6, but after a scoreless eighth jam, the Funk came right back with a 14-0 jam. boo d. livers scored all 14 of the D-Funk points before passing the star to her pivot skater, Fatal Femme, whose time was cut short by the whistle. Jam 10 was a 2-2 deadlock between Sista Slit’chya and Honey Suckit, making the score 39-8 for the D-Funk after ten. Honey’s points marked only the 2nd jam of 10 where the ‘Whippers could score.

The Whippers did score 17 more points in the last eight jams of the opening half, while getting shut out by the machine-like defense of the D-Funk five times. Diesel Doll put up the best effort of the 1st half for the ‘Whippers by scoring 9 points in jam 13, and earning a grand slam along the way. Honey Suckit and Sarah Hipel each scored 4 more points in those last eight jams.

But while the ‘Whippers were scoring their 17 points, the D-Funk posted 53 more of their own. They were shut out in half of those jams, but they posted a 14-0 run (with two slams) in jam 11 by Sista Slit’chya, followed by a superb 25 point jam! The ‘Whippers two blockers (Bytch Ryder and Cold Fusion) and their jammer (Cool Whip) were sent to the penalty box during that jam, and the D-Funk played a smart slow game allowing Sista to rack up 5 power-jam grand slams. Tinja chipped in with a 9 point jam, and boo d. livers closed out the half with a grand slam. At the half it was 92-25 for the D-Funk, and it seemed the crowd was a little stunned as most folks were figuring this would be another close game, as history would have led us to believe.

In the 1st half’s 18 jams, D-Funk held an edge of 10-7 in lead jammers, but posted 13 grand slams to only 2 for the Pistolwhippers. Overall, the ‘Whippers lost jammers to the box four times, while the D-Funk Allstars only had one jammer boxed for a minute.

D-Funk’s Roxanna Hardplace led all blockers with a combined 16 Actions in the first half, 11 Attacks (or defensive maneuvers) and 5 offensive Assists. Her teammates Black Eyed Skeez had 11 Actions, and Fatal Femme had 8. The Pistolwhippers were led defensively by Del Bomber and Sarah Hipel with 9 actions, followed by Bytch Ryder with 8. The Whippers did not record any offensive actions in the half.

2nd Half

Honey Suckit won the opening jam of the 2nd half for the ‘Whippers over Roxanna Hardplace, but only by a 5-4 margin. Diesel Doll took the 2nd jam 2-0 for the ‘Whippers, but then D-Funk got a 15-0 jam. boo d. livers scored a 5-0 grand slam, then passed the star to her pivot, Polly Fester, who went on to score two more slams for another 10 points. Ghetto Barbie added another 9 points for the Funk in jam 4 (with a slam), but Sarah Hipel was able to get 4 points back for the ‘Whippers in that jam after the star was passed to her from sophomore jammer Jackie O. Noyoudidn’t. It was 120-36 in favor of the Funk.

Honey Suckit eked out a 1-0 jam for the Whippers in jam 5, even with Sista Slit’chya in possession of lead status. Honey snuck by and got the point just before Sista could call the jam. But then D-Funk came right back with 4-0 and 5-0 jams by boo d. livers and Black Eyed Skeez. Sista got lead in jam 8, but Sarah Hipel put up 9 points to her 2 after Sista was sent to the sin bin. Sista Slit’chya came back strong with a 14-2 jam 9 when the Whippers jammer, Honey Suckit, took a turn in the box. After a scoreless jam 10, it was D-Funk leading 145-48.

The Funk remained in control the rest of the way with a 9-0 jam by Black Eyed Skeez, a 9-0 by pivot Sista Slit’chya after taking a star pass from boo d. livers. Sista had a 4-1 jam over Diesel Doll, boo took jam 16 with 3 points to a ‘Whippers goose egg, and Polly Fester closed out the scoring for the D-Funk Allstars with a 5-0 slam. Sarah Hipel put up 2 for the Whippers in jam 14, then she closed out the game in jam 19 with a 14-0 jam with two grand slams to leave the final score at 175 to 69 for the D-Funk Allstars.

The D-Funk once again had an edge in lead jammers, this time 11-6, and outscored the ‘Whippers by 83-44 in the final half. D-Funk also had the edge in grand slams, 10 to 3. As far as can be determined, the ‘Whippers lost the only jammer to the box in the final half. Although the score was lopsided, there was still some hard hitting going on in the half. The ‘Whippers had two excellent defensive efforts by Elle Iminator (Defensive Player of the Game) with 19 defensive blocks and Del Bomber with 15 blocks. Their teammates Cool Whip and Karma Shootya chipped in with 6 defensive blocks each in the half. Fatal Femme led the D-Funk 2nd half defense with 5 defensive blocks, also contributing 3 assists.

Afterthoughts

The D-Funk Allstars took out some serious built-up frustration on the Pistolwhippers on Saturday night, winning for the first time versus the ‘Whippers in their history, as was mentioned above. The Funk featured solid blocking from every one of their skaters who laced up skates, their jammers skated determinedly, and they were not to be denied on this night. Strong defensive performances went all the way down the bench for the returning skaters including a strong sophomore support performance by Zooma Thurman (Offensive Player of the Game) who earned a 5.86 +/- average (2nd in league behind teammate Seoul Slayer), 5 assists in 7 jams (a stunning 0.7 per jam average), a crowd-rousing double offensive block, and a league-leading pair of offensive knockdowns. This game, as is the usual Detroit tradition to open a new season, was a rematch of the Championship game from 2009. The D-Funk showed in this game they are a force to reckon with for this new season, but don’t count out the Pistolwhippers just yet!

Last season, the Pistolwhippers set an all-time defensive record for the DDG, allowing an average of only 68 points per game (edging the Detroit Pistoffs previous record of an average of 69 points allowed per game in the 2008 season), although they will now have a tough time approaching that level in defense this season after allowing 175 points. The Pistolwhippers are now 10-5 overall and the D-Funk Allstars are now 5-9. In spite of their losing record, the D-Funk still average outscoring their opponents 105 to102 in all of their games since 2006 with a couple huge wins, and a series of tight losses.

Statistics

As is becoming her habit, the D-Funk’s Sista Slit’chya led all jammers with 68 points in 11 jams with 8 leads and 9 grand slams. Other Funk jammers were: boo d. livers (35 pts, 11 jams, 7 leads, 4 slams); Polly Fester (25 pts [10 as a pivot], 2 jams, 2 leads, 5 slams); Roxanna Hardplace (15 pts [9 as a pivot], 3 jams, 1 lead, 1 slam); Black Eyed Skeez (14 pts, 2 jams, 2 leads, 2 slams); Tinja (9 pts, 2 jams, 1 lead, 1 slam); Ghetto Barbie (9 pts, 2 jams, 1 slam); Cat’s Meow (0 pts, 1 jam); Fatal Femme (0 pts, 1 jam); Ima Wrecker (0 pts, 2 jams).

Overshadowed in the Pistolwhippers loss was a fine jamming performance by Sarah Hipel who scored 43 points (4 as a pivot) in 11 jams with 6 leads and 4 grand slams. Only two other Whippers managed to score: Honey Suckit (14 pts, 8 jams, 4 leads); Diesel Doll (12 pts, 6 jams, 2 leads, 1 slam). Other jammers were: Cool Whip (0 pts, 1 jam); Elle Iminator (0 pts, 2 jams); A.O. Lesgo (0 pts, 3 jams); Jackie O. Noyoudidn’t (0 pts, 6 jams, 1 lead).

The Pistolwhippers Elle Iminator and Del Bomber turned in the strongest defensive performances with 26 and 24 total actions, respectively. Other teammates were Cool Whip (12 total actions), Sarah Hipel (11), and Bytch Ryder, Cassie Corridor, and Cold Fusion, each with 10 actions.

Roxanna Hardplace led the D-Funk defense with 20 total actions. She was followed by Fatal Femme (17), Black Eyed Skeez (15), Cat’s Meow (9), Polly Fester, and Zooma Thurman.

D-Funk’s Polly Fester led the overall plus/minus rating with a plus 78, followed closely by teammates Cat’s Meow (+73) and Sista Slit’chya (+72). For the Pistolwhippers, Sarah Hipel turned in an excellent plus/minus effort, tallying a minus 4 overall (although plus 27 as a jammer) while skating in about half of her team’s jams, all in spite of her team losing by 106 points. Another good effort was by the Whippers Diesel Doll, only a minus 6 while skating in 12 jams. It should be mentioned that the Whippers Kara Thrash did record a plus 6 overall, skating in only three jams.

Future

The Detroit Derby Girls continue their home season on Saturday, December 12, featuring a rematch of last season’s grudge match game for 3rd place between the Detroit Pistoffs and the Devil’s Night Dames. The game is at the Masonic Temple in downtown Detroit, doors at 6pm, game at 7pm. More info at detroitderbygirls.com.

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